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By Dania de La Cruz

When People Call You “Too Skinny”

We often times hear women talk about their desires to achieve the “perfect body.” There is a multi-billion dollar industry that makes money off of heavily promoting weight loss. Even though diets can be harmful, thinness is represented as the ideal beauty standard. But what happens when being thin is not the ultimate goal? Or when you are shamed for being “too skinny?” In a society where many women resort to extreme measures to look thin, I felt odd telling people that I wish I could gain weight.

I’ve always been thin, and for years, I’ve felt very insecure about my body. I used to cover up my body to hide my thinness. When I wanted to wear dresses on special occasions, I opted to wear pants most of the times because I believed my legs were too skinny. Even under hot and humid weather conditions, I wore sweaters because I thought my arms looked too skinny. My mom told me I drew more attention with a sweater on, but I felt embarrassed to take the layers off. I preferred being hot and sweaty than expose my arms for everyone to see.

When I told people I didn’t like my body, I was told other girls wished they looked like me—suggesting I should be grateful. They probably meant well and were trying to boost my confidence, but because I had body image issues, their seemingly kind and caring comments didn’t make much of a difference. I felt like I was supposed to be happy with my body as it was, but I wasn’t. I almost felt guilty.

Skinny Shaming

In some instances, people said things that made me feel worse. I once had a conversation with a woman who said when she was about my age (early 20s), her body looked like mine. She said she had “no body,” but proudly said she “got a body” when she was older. I knew she was making reference to the ideal body type and insinuating I lacked a figure with curves. Fortunately, at the time, I wasn’t as insecure about my body as I was when I was younger, but I still struggled with body image issues. The woman probably didn’t mean any harm when she made that comment, but hearing her say that wasn’t exactly helpful either. One time, I visited a local donut shop, and a stranger randomly asked me, “Do you eat?” These examples uncover that thin women are also exposed to negative comments about their body. They are told they’re too skinny or need “fattening up.” Some people think they are offering compliments when really they are contributing to the skinny-shaming of smaller-sized girls and women. Comments like “real women have curves” imply that woman with less-pronounced curves are less of a woman—whatever that means. This is dehumanizing and confines womanhood to an unrealistic set of ideals. Such remarks also fail to be inclusive of beauty in all shapes and sizes.

At an early age, I recognized the type of bodies that were socially acceptable by observing women in the media and the way beauty was marketed everywhere around me. When I turned on the TV, everything including award shows, movies, music videos, and commercials portrayed women with a very particular aesthetic—they were always the “right” kind of skinny. I felt I needed to have a curvier figure to look like them. Magazines and public advertisements on the streets or malls, like mannequins placed in every storefront, also reinforced these ideals.

Thin Privilege

When I was older, I became aware of the privileges that came with being thin. Although I didn’t like my body, I knew my smaller frame closely resembled beauty standards in comparison to women with larger bodies. I had the advantage of seeing more bodies like mine represented in the media and in my immediate surroundings. I also recognized essential services and resources readily accessible to me. For example, I could walk into almost any clothing store without having to worry about finding a size that would fit. I could easily fit in the seat of an airplane.

Whether our bodies are big or small, women are not free from body insecurities. No body image issue(s) are the same. Every woman’s struggle is unique, even among thin women. This doesn’t mean that some women don’t experience more privilege than others. However, all women are placed under significant scrutiny and forced to work towards attaining unrealistic beauty standards. Women of all colors, shapes and sizes know what it’s like to feel dissatisfied with their bodies. Despite the privileges I carried, the messages I received from the world and people around me made me feel like my body wasn’t good enough. I believed I didn’t fit in with traditional standards of beauty. At least not in every way.

I Am Worthy and so Are You!

I felt like no one understood me, especially because I was aware that women were in the opposite situation and facing unique challenges for being of a bigger size. Surprisingly, when I opened up about my personal struggles to other thin women, I realized I wasn’t alone. I found great relief and comfort knowing we shared similar experiences. Later on, I joined a body positive discussion group at my university campus, and it helped further boost my confidence. Everyone in the group had a unique story, and it was empowering to connect with others who were determined to overcome their body image issues and practice self-love and care.

Although I feel a lot better about my body than I did in the past, my body positivity journey is a work in progress. I believe it is an ongoing commitment to myself, which includes consistently reminding myself that I am worthy.