by Kacey Clark

Many of us are familiar with the phrase “I don’t see color”, but not everyone understands how this phrase can be problematic. Not only is this phrase insensitive, but it is invalidating, uncultured, and unkind under the guise of being “tolerant”. And maybe not seeing color is how some people would describe tolerance, but tolerance does not directly translate into acceptance. In the current political climate, many groups coexist alongside each other and turn a blind eye to any points of disagreement or misalignment, but it’s another thing to look these sticking points in the face and say, “I see you, and you are valid.”

The phrase “I don’t see color”, when reduced to a template, is “I don’t see (insert group of identification here).” What this says is “I don’t see your history, I don’t see your culture, I don’t see your struggle or perspective or even my  own biases.” This phrase does not just apply to race, but can apply to any major part of our identity that may separate us from those who don’t share in those privileged or marginalized experiences. “I don’t see color” might as well be “I don’t see gender”, “I don’t see class”, or “I don’t see size”.

Well-meaning people who use this phrase say this because they want to communicate that they see everyone as equals and that what group someone belongs to does not change their opinion of them. At the same time, though, this phrase erases the very trappings of our unique stories and experiences. “I don’t see X” is not just a phrase or a fad, it’s a dangerous, harmful way to look as human beings as empty vessels, when really, humans are complex, multifaceted individuals and their identities deserve to be understood and validated.

How do we shift the conversation from one of blindness to one of insight? Here are some starters.

1. Acknowledge People’s Identities Openly and Honestly

“I don’t see X” is really an attempt to steer ourselves away from accidentally acting a particular way towards someone and have it attributed to our acknowledgment of their identity. However, we can interact with individuals and acknowledge their identities without coming across as rude or judgemental.

Asking about how someone identifies, opening up a conversation, owning up to our own biases, or apologizing for any misunderstandings or mislabelings are all ways in which we can validate someone’s identity and acknowledge how it has shaped their experiences while also staying within our boundaries.

Of course, it someone’s identity isn’t applicable to the conversation, don’t bring it up, but if there is a situation in which it comes into play, don’t pretend we are all blank canvases with no underlying privileges or oppressions: hold yourself accountable. And if you judge, that’s okay, we’re all human and we all have biases. Open up to it, apologize, and ask yourself and others how you can be a better ally, which brings us to the next point.

2. Actually Do the Work

Have you ever mislabeled someone or assumed that someone falls under a certain identity only to find out that you completely misidentified them? This can make the “I don’t see X” rhetoric seem especially appealing, after all, if everyone’s just a vague, floating orb of gas and organs, we can completely bypass that part of our humanity altogether and no one gets hurt.

However, this is not a very effective way to make personal connections with people that are different than us or have experiences we don’t understand. Have you accidentally misgendered someone and don’t even understand what “misgendering” means? Do some research on gender identities. Have you ever asked someone about their Chinese heritage when they’re actually Japanese?

Explore Asian cultures and discover their nuances. There are a million ways to go about educating yourself to show up better equipped to communicate and relate to those different than you. This doesn’t mean that you need to show up to work with gender pronoun flashcards or wow your Asian friends with a full-on historical lecture about the Chinese Communist Revolution, but be mindful, be open, and be honest with yourself and others about how little or how much you know.

3. Let Your Guard Down

This is the hardest thing for us to do when we’re faced with a difficult conversation or an awkward confrontation. The good thing is that is becomes a lot less awkward when we acknowledge we actually have no idea what the other person has been through and allow them to narrate their own story.

The “I don’t see X” rationale does not leave room for the important process of self-disclosure and self-identification, which is especially empowering for marginalized folks. So if someone confronts you on your biases or if you stumble and fall in what was a well-intentioned open-ended discussion, be willing to listen to others pain and express your own, without overshadowing others’ experiences or projecting your own insecurities. 

4. Give Yourself Compassion

It’s hard to be human and it’s even harder to be human alongside other humans whose histories, cultures, genders, sexualities, abilities, and ages you may have not experienced or never will. Acknowledging everyone’s unique walk of life, immersing yourself in allyship, being vulnerable, messing up, and making mistakes are all parts of the process of learning how to unlearn privileged ideologies such as “not seeing color”. 

I don’t know about you, but I want to see color. I want to see all genders, all ethnicities, all classes and cultures and body shapes and sizes and hold each one as real and existing and alive despite the constant backlash. I want to embrace everyone for who they are, not for who I think they should be. After all, if we want to live in the kind of world that embraces the full spectrum of human existence, we need to acknowledge the colors that make it so beautiful, each in their own unique way.